So. Yesterday I got hit by a car*. Exactly in the right knee, so after close to 4 months, it went back in a cast.
It all feels like a bad joke or a bad dream, and somehow ma astept ca totul sa revina la normal din clipa in clipa. But it doesn’t, si imi amintesc constant ca hey, remember yesterday morning? yeah, that’s gonna be you again.. in another 4 months!
I told some people yesterday that if I had been in a coma for these 4 months, not much would’ve changed. Because nothing from these 4 months really mattered. I’m in the same room, with the same leg in a cast. Possibly due to the same sort of injury. I’m hoping for the same things that never seem to happen. Oh, wait. There is a difference: I’m more of a cry-baby now. It kind of disgusts me, but fuck, I’m sooo tired. In every possible way. And what’s the point, anyway? Whatever I did didn’t get me anywhere, nothing’s changed, nothing mattered. Si aici imi este limita, in momentul de fata.
Yesterday, I had denial and depression. Today, we add to that a bit of anger. We also had adrenaline and sedatives yesterday, it made things a lot nicer. Acum ma doare cam tot corpul. Can’t really laugh/cough/cry because it fuckin’ hurts. And I’m all out of sleep.
But there is a small good side: I know I can get over it this time, because I did it before. M-au dus cu targa peste tot pe unde au avut nevoie, inclusiv de la ghips pana la masina. Si pe langa tata care e ditamai omul, 2 brancardieri panicati imi tineau impreuna piciorul drept: „E greu, hai incetisor, cu grija, sa nu il pui jos.” „Nu, multumesc, dati-i drumul, dati-mi drumul, ma descurc singura, stiu sa ma descurc singura.” Si drumul din spatele blocului pana sus, facut acum 4 luni ma storsese de lacrimi si de puteri si de tot. Acum am stiut ce si cum. I’m pretty fast on stairs, actually.
Fuck. Gotta get out of this state. I’ll be good, I’ll be ok. I can get over anything. I always took pride in that, I’m not gonna stop now over some old idiot who can’t drive.
*Pe trecerea de pietoni, nesemaforizata. Masini oprite, m-am angajat in traversarea strazii. Eram in fata lui si a pornit de pe loc. B 45 FLI. Beware of this dude.