Around the beginning of the autumn in 2010, she waited for him, dressed in a yellow dress. In vain, and yet that was the first of many. She had a friend with her then, that person waiting for her in a very similar way. Every time she would feel happy about Mr. Sort Of, he’d bring her feet back on the ground, sometimes brutally. And yet every time she felt sad because of Mr. Sort Of, he’d bring out the good sides, feeding her with hope.
When he’d finally show up, sometimes he’d say he missed her. But she believed his words just twice when it came to this.
But other words, oh, other words she took as true. Hard to find. Refreshing. And other as such. But.. hard to find? She’d been placing herself in front of him over and over again, and yet he never searched.
But why bother if she only saw him once in a blue moon and otherwise he’d keep his silence or even acted like a jerk? Because the one he was in that little time they spent together was pretty nice. That guy was the opposite of the other. And, with that guy in mind, the jerk was not seen as a threat.
„Don’t you dare fall in love with me.”, he said even from the very beginning. And, although once she almost slipped those words*, she couldn’t. You see, you can’t fall in love with someone who won’t let you. Or perhaps you can, but you can’t stay in love long enough.
There were good things, too. She got a lot of her confidence back and was able to better search and get whatever she wanted. But not when it came to him.
Then, at some point, she realized she wanted more and that he’d never be able to fill in that space. Not because he was incapable of that, he’d probably be better at it than most.. He’d just choose otherwise.
* „What’s wrong?” „Nu prea stiu sa pun asta in cuvinte nici pentru mine acum.”